Time-out is a form of child behaviour management that works very well for toddler discipline. It can be used from about the age of 18 months upwards.

You can use time-out to let your toddler know his behavior needs a change and to prevent a situation escalating. It is not a punishment as such, but it is "time out" from positive reinforcement or from attention. So, if your toddler is fighting with his sister, time-out would be appropriate. If he is not doing as he's told, again time-out would be appropriate.

I like to use the following "rules" when using time-out.

-your child only has to have 1 minute/year of age in time out, so for a 3 year old, that is 3 minutes

-ideally the place for time out should be uninteresting but the bedroom will do (where ever you decide, make sure it's a safe place)

-do not let your child out if he is at the height of a tantrum or crying spell even if his time is up - wait until he calms down as he shouldn't associate time out ending with crying fiercely (rather, teach him that being calm is rewarded)

-your child doesn't have to apologize when he comes back but he needs to behave reasonably - further transgressions may require a repeat time out

-I prefer to give a verbal warning - once your child knows that you mean business, often the verbal warning will be enough (which can be helpful when you are out!)

To use a verbal warning: When your child is behaving in an unacceptable way, say "Stop doing that (be specific) or you will have to have a time-out". If he doesn't stop, give a second warning, "I said that if you didn't stop doing that (be specific) you would get a time-out, so stop now. If he still doesn't stop, say "I told you to stop doing that (be specific) and now you are going to have a time-out". Then take your child immediately to the time out room. Do not give a further chance.

Once your child knows that you always follow up on what you say, the verbal warning may be enough to stop the behavior you don't want (very useful in the supermarket). vDon't worry if your toddler plays happily in his room during time-out. This is not a punishment but a form of child behavior management and it will still work even if your child is happy in time-out.

If your child leaves the time-out room, put him back. Don't make a big fuss because you don't want this to turn into a game. Close the door behind you and then return to your activity (act as if you are completely uninterested in the whole thing - remember, you want to ignore behavior you don't want).

Never let your child out of the time out room when he is at the height of a tantrum or screaming fit. He will only think that the screaming or tantrum has got him out - that's not the message you want to give. Just wait till he is a bit quieter. Open the door when you hear a sob rather than a scream.

Use time-out when situations are getting out of control. Let your child know you mean what you say. Over time, you will need to actually use time-out less and less. Remember, testing out limits is part of normal child development. Teaching your child appropriate behavior is part of parenting.

Dr Maud is a pediatrician who provides up-to-date health information and practical medical advice for parents of babies and toddlers on her Baby Medical Questions and Answers site.

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